So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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