so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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