Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize