good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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