We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The ass gains better be worth it
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