I've blown a few things in my day
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
my liver is dry heaving
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize