Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize