i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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