pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
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woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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