Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize