dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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