I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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