it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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