New low: just hacked my moms facebook
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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