I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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