You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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