It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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