yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize