it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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