Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
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I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
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High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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