i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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