i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize