Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
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I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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