So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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