masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize