Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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