:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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