I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
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did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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