Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize