just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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