Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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