the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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