Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize