He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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