I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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