Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
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I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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