yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
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