I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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