that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
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You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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