Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize