i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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