youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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