I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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