My first STD was from a foam party
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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