Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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