he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
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Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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