I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am available for nakedness
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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