Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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