Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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