but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize